Should we depress ourselves by keeping up to date?
Many people are deeply saddened when they wake up one morning and realise that the relationship with their partner is not what it was. The coup de foudre, is a memory, the passion has gone, the romance has dwindled. “You are the love of my life” has become “I’m still quite fond of you, old thing.”
Disappointing, but the players are only middle-aged. . . and suddenly the D word is on the agenda.
In his poem “When love has changed to kindliness” Brooke suggests that when love has faded there is a choice
“that day, what shall we do?
Being so noble, kill the two
Who’ve reached their second-best? Being wise,
Break cleanly off, and get away.
Follow down other windier skies
New lures, alone? Or shall we stay,
Since this is all we’ve known, content
In the lean twilight of such day,
And not remember, not lament?”
. . . which seems quite mature given that Brooke was only 23 when he wrote it, but he may have been writing from experience. Nothing like being dumped to make one rather thoughtful.
A poem well worth revisiting, if only to prompt the reader to consider whether it is realistic to expect love always to be romantic, with the occasional dazzle.
OK, so your relationship is not what it was. You can make the brave move, but perhaps you should first consider whether your hope is realistic. And if you are debating with yourself, contemplating a fresh start is difficult. The alternative – as Brooke also wrote (in a different context) – “I dare say she will do.”
Probably best to discuss your situation with somebody sensible and unbiased. Not necessarily a solicitor. . .